some days it is GREAT to be alive

I don't know what is going on but I feel great. WOW. I feel great. I haven't been able to say that in a very long time. Mostly I'm just tired, but a power nap is going to help that. A long while back when I was seeing a therapist weekly I didn't like myself, especially my body. I have come to realize that my living situation wasn't ideal, but I had to deal with it, and learn from it. Tami, my therapist told me bluntly that in order to help myself get to where I need to be in all aspects of my life I needed to learn how to love myself. It was something that I knew and yet had buried it along with everything else I had gone through in a relationship.

Lets go back to 2003 and talk about loving myself. I was dating Tad. Not a happy situation. I don't like looking back on my mistakes but I have learned so much from it. One of the greatest things I learned was that love goes a long way (it is probable one of the few positive things I can say about him. . . not much else). Having someone love me helped me learn to love myself. No longer did I think that no one could love me because of how I looked or felt.

Seven years later I have dug up the love. Heaven knows that it was buried deep. Locked in a box at the bottom of a cavern.

I have come further than I thought I would. It has been through many great people, some of which probably don't even know how much they have helped me. No longer am I the person that I was. It feels good to say. I can see parts of the path I am suppose to take more clearly than before even if I don't completely understand why. I will know someday looking back.

Part of loving myself is loving what I can accomplish, and what I have accomplished. It is not focusing on what I haven't accomplished. Case in point: Yesterday I stuck to my eating goals. YAY ME! You know what? I was rewarded by dropping 1 pound. Now, what didn't I do yesterday? Dishes or pick up my living room. You know what? WHO CARES. There is always today. Today I'm going to stick to my eating goals AND do my dishes. SEE? I can do one thing and then add onto it.

Today I feel good.