What so you say? (especially if you don't feel that bad)

So, I ran away today. . .and didn't get my laundry started until 10:30 pm tonight. I need undies for tomorrow and today when I left my neighbor was doing laundry. When I got home I discovered that there was still laundry in the washer. Sigh. So I was making a bunch of noise and took ALL of their baby's lovely diapers out of the washing machine. . .and hung them on the rack in the basement. Now, I don't know about what they did all day but I was gone. . .After I had the washer filled and most of my clothes in it she came down and was like: "Oh, those need to be washed again." I said to her, I'm sorry, I do need underwear to wear tomorrow. (Honestly I didn't feel that bad about it but I acted like I did. . .she had ALL DAY to wash those twice. . .oh well.) She said, its alright, I'll just wash them again tomorrow. So now the predicament I'm in. Do I stay up all night and do all of my laundry tonight? OR DO I just wait to do the rest of my laundry tomorrow evening or Monday. I think I'm going to stay up and get it all done. I think I only have one load left anyway if I do a large one with all my darks and lights together.

Oh and today I paid off my car!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It feels kind of liberating :D

P.S. I was thinking that the diapers really stunk when I hung them up. . .cause obviously they did! Just another reason for me NOT to use cloth diapers.

GRE prep time

Yeah, it is finally time for me to get studying for the GRE. Should have been doing it in the summer, but I moved and had SO much fun with my friends. SO in lieu of taking tons of classes for fun I am going to study and only take guitar.

Wish me luck. . .and luck that I can find my GRE test prep book. :)

I'm going to bed. . .FINALLY

I had to clean up my living room today since I found mold in it on Saturday night/Sunday morning and now my landlord's fix-it guy and my landlord are coming over tomorrow to check for hidden/further damage. I think they are going to have to replace the baseboard, good thing it is in parts so they don't have to replace it ALL on the one wall.

I cleaned up the mold on Sunday cause it was nasty and smelly.

I used my new vacuum since I only had a canister vacuum and it didn't pick up stuff very well. The collection compartment of the new one is completely full. . .Like I had never vacuumed. . .and the people before me never vacuumed. . .it is pretty gross but my floor looks pretty. :) Never underestimate the power of a good vacuum!

WHY!?!?!

I go camping. . .in an area with black BEARS. . .and flushing toilets. . .It rains. . .not too bad, but why after 3 months did I start TODAY???!!!!!!!! Supposedly when ladies are at that time of the month bears can smell them better. EW and scary. SCARY. Since I have had this continuing nightmare that I will go camping with my ward and we have to RUN from bears and get in vehicles for protection. . .yeah. . .it is very graphic and SCARY. Right before I left to go camping someone I work with told me that scary little fact about women.

SO, I am now home, waiting for my ibuprofen to kick in so I can sleep in my lovely soft bed, out of the rain (which was headed toward the camp site) and not have to worry about bears slashing through the thing fabric of a tent to get me. Oh and I really hope that the ibuprofen WORKS. . .on the first day sometimes it doesn't. :(

TMI

3 months and counting that I haven't had a period. . .I can't get in to see a NP until September 25 I would have had to wait until November to see an OBGYN (a woman) I don't want to go to a man for problems in woman land.

Almost

Ok, so this may not be exciting to any of you but, I am about 6 pound away from my pre mission weight. YEAH! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Struggling for health's sake

I hate fibro-whats-it. I hate that I don't sleep and my mind wakes up and goes okay. . .its 3 am or 4 am or 5:30 am wake up. WAKE UP! I'm gonna go a million miles an hour and there is nothing you can do about it! The worst thing about it is that I work at 8 freakin' am in the morning. . .when you are tired and hurt and don't desire to leave your bed since you haven't slept well in the past few days.

When I get this way I go back and read helpful websites on fibromyalgia to review what I *should* have done different and change my habits.

I hate today, and yet I have to keep going. :(

some days it is GREAT to be alive

I don't know what is going on but I feel great. WOW. I feel great. I haven't been able to say that in a very long time. Mostly I'm just tired, but a power nap is going to help that. A long while back when I was seeing a therapist weekly I didn't like myself, especially my body. I have come to realize that my living situation wasn't ideal, but I had to deal with it, and learn from it. Tami, my therapist told me bluntly that in order to help myself get to where I need to be in all aspects of my life I needed to learn how to love myself. It was something that I knew and yet had buried it along with everything else I had gone through in a relationship.

Lets go back to 2003 and talk about loving myself. I was dating Tad. Not a happy situation. I don't like looking back on my mistakes but I have learned so much from it. One of the greatest things I learned was that love goes a long way (it is probable one of the few positive things I can say about him. . . not much else). Having someone love me helped me learn to love myself. No longer did I think that no one could love me because of how I looked or felt.

Seven years later I have dug up the love. Heaven knows that it was buried deep. Locked in a box at the bottom of a cavern.

I have come further than I thought I would. It has been through many great people, some of which probably don't even know how much they have helped me. No longer am I the person that I was. It feels good to say. I can see parts of the path I am suppose to take more clearly than before even if I don't completely understand why. I will know someday looking back.

Part of loving myself is loving what I can accomplish, and what I have accomplished. It is not focusing on what I haven't accomplished. Case in point: Yesterday I stuck to my eating goals. YAY ME! You know what? I was rewarded by dropping 1 pound. Now, what didn't I do yesterday? Dishes or pick up my living room. You know what? WHO CARES. There is always today. Today I'm going to stick to my eating goals AND do my dishes. SEE? I can do one thing and then add onto it.

Today I feel good.

Scary Dream

I had this horribly scary tense dream last night. It involved people who no longer work where I work. It was twisted and I know it would never involve all the people that were in it. But it did involve "security." The weird thing was the whole thing took place in Target. I know weird weird weird. Two things I do remember was an office FULL of people at the back of the store and the yelling and shouting could be heard at the front of the store, even with the door SHUT. Anyway. weird.

oh my

Tonight I realized that many of my younger friends and I don't have tons in common. But I did have some DANG GOOD Aloo Gobi for dinner.

I haven't gotten my lesson done.

My entrails feel like they are going to become my extrails. . .I am trying to decide if it was the food or it is my period. It HURTS.

thats all. I'm going to bed now.

"Quotespiration"

My Friend Kim sent this to me:

"When fretted by this single life which seems to be my lot, I think of all the many men whose wife I’m glad I’m not!"

all I have to say is True that!!!!

Its about time. . .

I think it is about time to get a new computer. It is too bad I don't have any money right now. I'm just praying that my mac won't up and die on me. I think I have too much stuff on it and need to clear it off. If I want it to actually run a little faster than slow I have to restart it. I can't even have multiple tabs open in firefox any more. :( I love this little guy, I've had him since 2005.

catch up

There isn't much to write about my date on Monday. We had quiznos (he asked if I wanted to go dutch. . . not too happy about that. . .if you are going to offer to pay you should offer to pay for it all, not just yours) at a park and talked. It was nice. I made the mistake of asking if I could come to his show (today at 8 pm) he got uncomfortable. . .I could tell. . .like he didn't want me to attend. He then said, "You can, but I'm dating a lot of girls and they will be there. I don't want it to be awkward."

That did it. . .I didn't go tonight.

hmm. . .if there is even going to be a next move he will have to make it. I doubt there will be a next date. :( Too bad cause I kind of really like(d) him.

He is a nice guy so please don't rag on him in your comments.

Better

I have a date with a fun guy on the 6th. . .

Not the guy I asked out by text but a different one. . . :D


EXCITED.

I feel fat. . .I had a friend post a picture of me on facebook. . . U-G-L-Y

I gotta do more and better.

Study study study

For a long while I have been thinking about what I am going to do next in my life. I have several options. . .several that will not be mentioned right now. . .nor have they all been mentioned to many people.

I think that for any of my aspirations to be met I must begin studying very hard so that I can take the GRE and pass it with flying colors. More and more I am leaning towards Historic Preservation. Yes, someday I want to be a professor of history, but along the way there will be more job opportunities for me if that dream never comes true (I'm not being pessimistic, I just know that there are way more History PhD graduates out there than teaching positions avaliable. . .call me a realist. . .at least in that aspect). But then again, if it is suppose to be then it will happen.

I shouldn't stress over it since life is a journey.

I just need to start my studies so I will pass or oportunity will stop knocking and pass me by.

Check it!!!!! Top Gear on the flats!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The start guy in the blue denim long sleeved shirt is MY DADDY!!!!!

I'll really up date later, but for now. . .

I had a great weekend. I need to go to bed. And get over the fact that I have a MAJOR bad headache and feel like throwing up. Work tomorrow. Yay. . .I hope I feel better in the morning.

Skinny Mission Me in response to [inspire]ation

5 years ago (while on my mission) I looked like this. . .that was 55 pounds lighter than I am now. . .That was cause I was on bikes every other week. . .well in this area it was basically EVERY week (and I was active all day long). One day we even rode 25 miles. One day, after my mission, my mom and I sat down and figured out that I probably rode about 1,000 miles in all.

Super Cooper & I in Greensboro

Now I can't even pedal up a hill without getting winded (NC has hills. . .not mountains but hills that at first were hellish but I enjoyed riding them eventually. . . my companions hated hills). . .I love riding bikes. . .even in the rain. . .but I'm so out of shape that it is difficult since I kind of live on a hill. . .and to get to work I have to go up hill. . .dang mountains!

All I can say is LETS DO IT Steph!

I just keep thinking about it. . .

I love my car, she has taken me many places. But I keep thinking that it is time to get a different car. . .I don't know if I should. She is almost paid off and it is a good feeling. I probably wouldn't trade her in, but sell her so that I can get more money for her.

The question is what would I get to replace her? I really want some sort of SUV so that I can haul things. . .but don't want to pay tons of money for gasoline. . .Or maybe a truck? I don't know. It has just been on my mind a lot lately. I need to think about it some more before I really decide that I want to sell and buy a new vehicle.